Readers may wonder "how was it?".
In a way, better than I feared. I was shown things I needed to see. I'm almost done the book I've been reading, and I realized it's more than just possums and watchdogs. We can grow theories to incorporate more aspects that we see in nature, we need not accept just what the researchers or talking heads can finally see as kindness that we wish had always been there.
Not only does my son tend towards possum for protection, he also has a protective watchdog. Middle may tend towards possum for her attempts at people pleasing, but she also has the ability to poison and drive insane (poisonous cicadas) not just because we don't want to be pulled into a possum vortex of shutdown, but because we don't want to be sick (which sets off our watchdog or our tendency to abandon the lepper, or the spore-spreading stump puffball).
We can not learn anything, if we can't first be honest about how something makes us feel.
On the way home, I was upset that someone got so upset about something that they need not get upset about, that they put pressure on my family, until something was done to my child, that no one would ever do to an adult. She rightfully lost her mind. I got her back to center and acknowledged that what happened was not right, and she (an almost 5yr old) said "you know, I don't remember every hike we took". It was a sad moment in a way, because it tells me her mind is so consumed by tripping unresolved trauma loops, that she can't visit the good memories that others seem to have in their head for regulation (often I find the constant rehashing of good memories to be annoying, an utter waste of time, when we could be growing and moving forward instead, maybe, because like her, I don't have many good times to go back too, as my body is also set to detox mode). I also see that some people are so concerned with complaining about not getting their money's worth, and I'm glad that's not me. It may be their attempt to regulate, but I don't know if it's ever been successful in a fulfilling way.
Second, I was upset that someone had my elderly frail father in law carry a lot of heavy items in his carry on bag. We deliberately gave him a spare bag to keep what he carries light. Carrying this load we didn't know was so heavy through the airport, so another could appear to have travelled light (possum) nearly broke him, because of his determination. I realize, it bothers me when people break others, because it falls on me to do the fixing. If I am well enough, it's an opportunity to see what I can do, but if I am sick too, I can barely help myself, life is hard enough!
It's heartbreaking to see people do this to others, but it shows where they are at (a symptom of the iniside, the outside, and the in between). Unmet needs continue to ask to be met.
I don't think my needs we're met, I didn't have functional parents to act as my in between, but I am a well-functioning in between for my kids and I do the best I can for my husband and clients.
It took me an embarrassingly long time, anxiety and depression, and lots of regular self care, which means saying no to other things, to get there. I'm not proud of the person I was, or of the people I outgrew along the way, but I am happy with the person I continue to grow to be.
One of the reasons someone bothers me, is they create chaos, when I am always trying to create a situation for my kids, with sensitive nervous systems, where success is inevitable.
I hope this book (that I've been reading and referring to in the past couple of articles) can be a game changer for our alternative school, to show proof that kids do indeed learn when we've brought them out of their lower brain areas (which are focused on safety) and up into their thinking brains (that are open to growth and connection).
My youngest said at the end of our trip that she thinks she could do kindergarten without me, but she'd rather wait for grade 1, where she can have her own desk (space to visit for safety), one more year with mommy, growing her own brain, window of tolerance, and ability to advocate for her rights and needs (which also means to teach what it means to be respectful, in a way that will allow her to receive this respect).
Back to the people who create a million options, fear of missing out, craziness, setting us up for failure, it's how they cope. How they attempt to regulate how they feel, because, if they rest, they are probably flooded with unresolved problems. But again, I'm not sure what they do is a sustainable path towards health. The ultimate possum (people pleaser, who attacks, because people pleasing is as stable as a house of cards in the wind).
My kids each have their protection methods, including my protection, until they no longer need it. My son has his hood and technology, my middle her intoxicating poison to work through, and my youngest her temper, that eventually keep all those who lack skills away.
I continue to wish people would engage in the art, of using the time when they are asleep, to apply RestoreChi tracks, to remind their body of healthy function.
We ditched our bubbas pretty early in the trip, because my husband suffered severe pain as a result of too much frozen sweet alcoholic drinks. No bubbas in hand limits our intake of harmful substances.
I allow the experience of raising vulnerable nervous systems (including my own and my husband's) in a chaotic social culture and family unit to change me. I'm not sure my parents ever did this, and it doesn't matter, because I am grateful for the person my experience with them allowed me to become. The contract is done.
I hope this article serves as an example of how one can do things.
Everything we do is our best attempt at regulating, it's all any of us (microcosm to macrocosm) are (trying to restore balance and function), while also housing soul/spirit, with its own attraction forces, goals, and purpose.
It's an honor to parent. May you allow it to refine you, as I've allowed it to continue to refine me. Putting up protection to conserve my energy, for what matters most - my kids, my husband, my self, my clients, collaborating with friends who are on the same path of personal growth and health, regaining my skills through continued learning, application, and service (including what I write).
ps. I get it, in a judgemental family/society, how one "looks" may determine if one survives. My middle's people pleasing stems from the need to be perfect for the scientists to feel her embryo is worthy of life, and my youngest's fight is because I was so sick in pregnancy, and she was my third, unplanned, with a husband and older kids who needed me, that if she were not healthy, she may not have gotten a chance at life. And my eldest, had to teach me to choose something other than what most people do, and how much of the outer world caused him harm. I know it's supposed be healthier is we believe the world is a safe place, but, I prefer to know I can navigate this world, safe or not, with confidence in my skills, and in life (as well as trust in the cycle of life, which includes illness and death). Even if that means I don't mount the stress response required, I know I mount enough of a defence, when it is needed, for me and my family/kids.
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