In addition to waking yesterday morning, finally deciding to take the supplements I have, because I’m tired of being sick for the past 1.5 months, I’ve been listening to this podcast series: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2WzpOMn2uf7CeqcR6TXxkz?si=ErhUpUpeTDeggCbQKTkN3w
In a way, a kirlian photo is an indication of a person’s inside felt safety, and the degree to which people (including the person in question) are aware of and adhering to that person’s Human Design and Gene Keys is an indication of their outside felt safety.
It’s common for me to offer someone’s Unique Psychology, and for the recipient not to know what to do with the information. Unlike me, who is capable of making wild leaps and trying things out to see what works, they are looking for concrete action steps (if this happens do this and it is guaranteed to work). This is in part because I don’t match what society expects (more on this below), but also because between felt safety needs to come from a willingness to engage in trial and error, serve and return, rupture and repair. Most people have anxiety about wanting to be perfect (to avoid any possible blame), they don’t want to engage in trial and error because school has taught us that it is not ok to be wrong. To build a strong relationship, we need to try things that might be wrong and have the courage to make it right. I can’t do this for everyone, I can only share the information, and apply treatments that may make it easier, for the person to see and try something new.
Let’s take a few steps back.
In listening to the first hour of this course: https://www.soundstrue.com/products/the-power-of-the-crone-1
…I realize that, although I always wanted to be a mother, mostly because I perceived my own mother as not being a very good mother, I am not the mother archetype. The cultural mother tells people how they must be in order to be accepted and liked, the crone tells people to be themselves. We have to grow into the crone by being ourselves, which is the path of the maiden. I’m lucky that my mom was so absent, there was very little between felt safety, she was mostly in protection mode, so I don’t really have many bad habits from her to break, the impact of her parenting made certain duties to my children very important.
I’m also working my way through this book:
…which shares the dangers of chemical insecticides and herbicides, saying they are actually biocides because they take out all life. The assumed intention was just to get rid of insects or weeds, or maybe to play in the world of chemical manipulation, swapping out one molecule for another and seeing what happens, not accounting for combined effects being deadly, because one takes out what is needed to protect us from the other.
What stands out for me is that we have an insect problem for 2 reasons: monocroping (a lack of balance allows certain species of insects to get out of control) and the importation of plants, inhabited by insects that do not belong here.
This is similar to the danger of people searching for the one way of thinking that will allow them to be lazy and never have to think again, as well as the danger of trying to combine too many ways of thinking, that may have an exacerbating effect.
People want to attract others, but by ridding an area of bugs, they poison the local water and food/soil.
The point of the two sidetracks above is: I thought they were both crones, but the latter is actually a maiden, and both aspects (as well as understanding mama culture) will help me through…
As a followup to my previous article (https://www.yourlifeplan.ca/post/let-s-catch-things-when-there-is-still-time-to-navigate-without-fear), despite my efforts, this is where my youngest sits in terms of her inner felt safety:
…I couldn’t stop her left big toe from closing. Worse, what was a risk to her brain is now also a risk to her heart (an example of how a kirlian image gives us insight into a person’s inside felt safety), and this is very much tied to her current emotional processing, which results in aggressive behavior, that I thought we had moved past, now I know it’s where we might regress too, for a while.
This is not the worst her left big toe has been, see this photo from July 31st 2024:
…this was also after I tried to help her get into her body, her before treatment photo looked like this (open toes but missing hands, she was coping by dissociating, and when I pulled her into her body, her left big toe shut down, but that doesn’t mean it was wrong to help, it just means more time and support was needed):
Seeing this on paper, helps us to have more compassion for everyone. As the above was after our youngest spent a month with an intrusive cousin, on the tails of spending a year with an intrusive friend.
I often feel like I am a bad person for instinctively protecting myself from intrusive people. But that is what my mom and I did, we protected ourselves from each other.
This reminds me of another thing that can overwhelm me. While I am caught up organizing these notes:
…which is actually quite easy to do. As these are just photocopies of treatments (and concepts) from my certification binders, that need to be put back in order, so I don’t have to print them again. My certification teacher was in protection mode, she didn’t trust anyone enough to give us digital files, so I had to jump through hoops in order to organize the information, so that it could work for me in client sessions, and now it is mostly integrated.
What stresses me more is this pile of books:
Training that I took to keep up, techniques that were fascinating at the time, even if I didn’t fully understand them yet, and that I still need to integrate into my everyday practice. I can beat myself up, or I can look back and see how far I’ve come.
The same applies to these books on my shelf:
On the right, you can see my collection of Medical Medium books. I like his work because, as I have also discovered, things don’t work the way you assume they would, when you take it all apart, and work with parts that are dead (aka science).
There are tricks that come about, because they are easier and more affordable, like monocroping, or fasting. While not eating may have health benefits, it also takes a toll on our health, but it is more affordable and thus accessible than high quality supplements or organic foods.
That said, I have a lot of privilege. Part of my outside felt safety, written into the line number for the Pearl of my Gene Keys says “I will attract enough money to help others celebrate life”:
Though I have paid for it, I feel like everything that I have access to, has come to me easily. And, working with what I have access to, allows me to offer what I can, to those who can and can not afford it.
It doesn’t make sense for me to act as though I am poor, when I am not. And it’s not that we have money, but rather, we have the ability to continue to earn, which means we are trusted to float on debt. It’s a weird world.
I recently turned towards fasting and glucose concepts because, like many of my clients, I was frustrated with weight gain and, like some of my clients, I am having menopause-related cancer scares. Thankfully, like I alluded to above and in my previous article, there is more time than people have, if they wait for mainstream to identify their problem. Menopause is a time when we are informed of what we need to do to transition well into our crone years. As I shared in a post (https://www.instagram.com/p/DEfrFCSRN65/?igsh=M2Q1cXc0M2V2eHdm) the effectiveness of a crone is dependent on the clarity of her aura (how much sh*t has she managed to clear out?).
In sum, I can get mad at myself for not having been able to assimilate that neat pile of books yet, consumed with organizing a pile of printouts because that’s an easier job to tackle first, and I can be upset that I sidetracked into dietary approaches that may be useful but not right for me, instead of being grateful to my body for storing toxins as fat, to get it out of my bloodstream.
The whole reason I am reading Silent Spring is because my teacher suggested that this the problem with my child: I feed her bad food and she can’t handle it because she is inundated with so many toxins, as a child on the border of being autistic.
But, I don’t believe what the podcast shares. I think we are here to heal some of that. The podcast still uses the word “triggers” even though the book her mentor wrote, which she mentions in her podcast, says to move away from language like “being triggered” into language of “something inside of me was touched”, as this allows for what is unresolved inside of us, to come to the surface to be healed, rather than just continual avoidance of what we can not handle, because that is what we do when we are too poor (not just monetarily) to engage.
When we can see aspects of a person’s inside and outside felt safety, we don’t have to throw our hands up in the air and say “it’s not possible”. We can do the work of between. To appreciate what has been integrated, grabbing the gifts when we regress, or when we fall into an old trap (of eating something we shouldn’t or forgeting to do something we should, as this experience gives us an opportunity to remember how things work).
I know it can be easier not to try, because then we feel less to blame if it doesn’t work out. One could say “out of fear I tried to control, because I forgot that I could trust”…
But we have to eat, and we may have little choice in what we experience, still, both need to be digested.
Sometimes we make a mistake, get indigestion or get caught in a loop, but that doesn’t mean that all is lost. Esogetic Medicine, RestoreChi, Divine Healing, the Information Field, Unique Psychology, are all there for us to use. So we can go back to serve and return, trial and error, rupture and repair.
As much as I have fallen behind, I am still so much ahead of where I was before. 5 steps forward, 1 step back. I assume it’s the same for you? Keep going, let me know if something I have to offer, might be able to support what you are going through.
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