This article may split and will grow.
Let's start with the names...
I could have called the first one:
Which "energetically" would attract the right people, meet them where they are at, and empower them. This sounds great. But I'm going with:
...because this is more selective, not only narrowing the gap in age, but also attracting only those who are in integrity, want to follow the curves of spirit, and hold a safe space for healing, dropping their mask, showing parts they are ashamed of, for them to see, that we all have these parts, and we can work together, to enter society, setting healthy boundaries, over which to share and received.
The object of these two groups is to lead by example. Show you what I have to offer, and also, that I am flawed...
…as this name suggests, burnt out mamas seek structure, but also have a lot of dysfunctional patterns that they need to let go of, to build their own structure of truth. Many have had bad relationships with men, and need to learn to trust again, taking the step they can see, knowing this is the only way that they will be able to see the next step.
In my experience, moms are burnt out for 2 reasons: 1) they are giving too much to their kids, 2) they are trying to work while also trying to be a good parent.
While I strongly support creating space for our own evolution, and not having it just be about the kids or our financial obligations (sometimes to our husbands), many moms don't even have enough money to bring joy into their lives (it's not free).
I plan to approach this the same way I approached my husband having to carry all of our financial burden. At first, it seems impossible. But playing to his strengths, and what he wants to do, we found middle ground. It wasn't easy, we have had painful drawn-out fights, about what is best for health and education. I have won the important ones, and felt guilty about it, even though I gave him what he valued most - respect for where he is coming from and what he has to offer.
In a way, these two topics are very related.
Teens (the window from 12-24yrs) is when kids need to live by:
These are the things that make life worth living for adults too. Very few people make it to teenagerhood still conscious of their unique life program. The gap between the left hand and the right (from an Esogetic perspective) is when we either complete development with awareness of our program, or not.
For people susceptible to burnout, the issue is similar.
We have stages of development (again, from an Esogetic perspective). Knowing who you are and why you're here requires feeling safe enough to download this information. We also need to feel safe enough to spread our wings, feel like we will be well received by others, that we have agency and the world is safe.
People at risk for burnout are people pleasers.
Teens need each other, to make it through the separation from their parents, to feel protected, as they enter the world, to do things in a way that they see as better. While mainstream sees them as "just kids", and it's not their fault, as they are programmed to think they can't step into their power, and their brains are not fully developed.
So, how do the Conscious Teens and Burnt Out Mamas groups help?
A safe space, to talk about where we are at, but also to reconnect to who we are and clear blocks, so we can relax, see options, and information can flow again.
I'm told that Japanese Anime is popular among youths because it tackles tough subjects and is open to fantasy. A lot of youths will opt to take drugs, some adults even revert to taking drugs, but many don't know who is at risk for addiction. While 0-3yrs is when the risk for burnout is laid down, the risk for addiction is laid down during the prenatal time and at birth. I'm still learning when it comes to undoing addiction, but there are things we can do to start to pick this apart using concepts of Esogetic Medicine. The point is to get teens what they need, while getting them informed enough, to lower the risk. Someone shared that the Esogetic Dream disc served as a good replacement for drugs (the dream zones are another option).
I am not the perfect candidate, and yet, this is part of what I need to demonstrate to you. I have a preteen who has trouble getting up in the morning, cleaning up after himself, and gets upset with me when I remind him that he is behind on self-care. Lots of frustration, over me using my energy and seeing him just lie there, but this is where he is at. Lots of repair, and understanding, his body is changing, he doesn't eat the best food, I know depression gets worse if you go deeper and hide, and so on. I did my best to connect him with mentors, he has his own business, but he is not interested in mentors who try to box him, he is looking to create things other people think are fun, which is practical, but not in the way adults always think. I am learning with him, and I don't even know if he will attend my groups.
Another teen that I think about, I have known for almost 6 years and she still has not let me in. Will she, I don't know. And a third, I notice their body odor, it pushes me away, but I am informed that body odor is worse when a person has more stress in their life. I may not have what it takes, but I can hold space, I have knowledge, I can show you about you, and we can apply treatments to help you reconnect. There are ways in which I am stuck in me teen years, and ways in which I was never really a teen or child. I understand self-harm, and that we all must wrestle with something hard (often several things again and again, to learn who we want to be), and I have found a way out, which I am happy to share with you.
As a mom, I struggle, because I want to give my kids what I think they deserve, at the same time, I'm burning out, because I need time for me. Our kids have so many needs (and so do we), that are reasonable, and yet society makes it easy for us to say they are not. Where is the middle ground? For me, it's finding my own priorities.
And... setting the Conscious Teens group every second Monday 6-8pm so that I can be there for my 5yr old, every second gymnastics class, and trust my husband to be there for the ones I miss. And setting the Burnt Out Mamas group at 10am-12pm every second Sunday. At $20 per person per session. The Mystic Tree will extend their hours, so we can accommodate moms and families.
As I said, this article may split or grow. But let me leave you with this:
If you want truth, if you want understanding, if you want reconnection, I'm offering it.
I have failed clients in the past, because I wanted them to grow faster than they were capable of. I hope a group format (where parents who need to bring their kids with a tablet can do so), will help pace us to what is reasonable, so we can get the call and answer (rupture and repair) that we didn't get as kids, which made us more vulnerable to people please and burn out, in the first place.
Some of you will learn that my business is multi-faceted. What I will draw on now is that we have "our plan" and we have "what living our plan has done to us". We can access all of this and then make life easier.
Traumatized humans are tough to work with. Their experiences keep them locked into believing that the way they are doing things is the only right way, the safe way, and the truth is in between. Because we are powerful souls, some of us choose to travel along a tougher path, to teach us something of value.
It's like my youngest, who doesn't want to go to school without me anymore (at least not now or yet). Who has taken it to the point of running a fever, just to keep me near. She says she can go to her teachers with questions but not with problems, for that, she still needs me.
I'm a big fan of Hold On to Your Kids - by Dr. Gordon Neufeld. And, it's interesting that Gabor Mate (trauma and addictions specialist) gets a major shoutout for his intro to this book on attachment, given the topics for the Conscious Teens and Burnt Out Mamas groups, it's all the same.
Gabor Mate is the reason I went back to school and finally got the psychology degrees that I couldn't get the first time around. But, I wanted to prove my mom wrong. I was so mad at her, I was mad at parents in general, seeing them through this "mainstream" lens, as if I were better.
The truth is, all we can do is what feels right or what feels wrong. It is not the parent's fault for not working on their trauma. If they knew how to do that, and if they weren't so afraid, they would. Esogetics helps us see we have more options than black and white. My youngest is entitled to have my support, until she doesn't need it or I can't give it anymore. Her request is reasonable. She tried school on her own and noticed that sometimes she gets so mad that she doesn't protect herself from the elements, this makes her body sick or malfunction. We must find a balance between "hard enough to help us feel capable and grow" and "seeing the world as safe, our needs heard, met, and valued, and that we are loved". The line is fine and drawn differently for each family.
I hope this helps you see who I am and what this group has to offer.
I hope you see that learning about yourself is of value, and that you don't have to compromise yourself, because that is what others do, or what they claim will make you happy too.
These groups are to help you find likeminded others, a tribe, to no longer be alone.
This will grow with your feedback, requests, and questions, so please send them, if you cannot comment below: alahnnaa18@yourlifeplan.ca
I left the group name that I did not choose, as the image for this article, to draw the right people, because it's not about me, it's about being of service to you!
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