I woke up this morning in my friend's home. Their house is beautiful. They always do an amazing job renovating, decorating, and putting the final touches on everything, in every way, so that when you are at their home, you feel so comfortable and well taken care of.
The old me, in situations like this, would start to self- judge, and say to myself: "Why can't I create a home like this? Why can't I invest time and money to make places look beautiful? Why don't I think of others the way these people do? Why can't I host and cook?" etc etc. This negative self-talk is of course the basis of mental illness!
But there is more to mental illness than our thoughts, and what is in our mind.
I guess the reason they call it "mental illness" is the belief that the cause is in our brain or in some cases "in our head" (aka made up). This is not true!
I had severe anxiety, major depression, and bipolar/mania.
My severe anxiety was the result of - society and family who taught me to reject who I am, denied my gifts, and pointed out their perceptions of my flaws.
To them my flaws are physical (the colour of my skin and my weight), social (I make people uncomfortable because I can see through everything - lies, lack of integrity, past lives, when people are putting up a mask, true intentions etc), and my learning ability (because their truth does not resonate with my truth - especially their interpretation of history, the planets, society, and more).
The other source of my anxiety is how I am energetically built...
By Human Design, I have a completely open solar plexus (not coloured in), which means I feel everyone's emotions amplified. I also have a completely open crown, which means I hear everyone's thoughts and questions, and feel pressured to answer them. All of my motors are undefined (not coloured in). This includes my solar plexus (already mentioned), my heart, my root, and my sacral.
Seventy percent of people have an undefined heart, by Human Design. An undefined heart is meant to evaluate the worth of others - to determine who can be trusted to deliver a good service, or not. But without knowing this, the default belief of someone with an undefined heart is that they always need to try to prove their worth. Sound familiar?
The undefined (not coloured in) root means it is terribly easy to pressure me into doing something for others. I feel I owe everyone everything that they ask for, now! I am the only person who can decide to pace this and say NO!
Finally, the undefined (not coloured in) sacral, well, that, with no other motors defined, is what makes me a natural guide for others.
I take in the energy of others - their emotions, their thoughts, and their pressures. I process and amplify this. Then I use the parts of myself that are defined (coloured in - my spleen, identity, mind, and throat) to share my intuition (from my spleen), my deep soul wisdom (from my identity), and everything that I know by mapping multiple systems of how things work into my brain (through my mind), using my written or spoken words (my throat).
I am perfectly designed for this job.
The caveat is, with no defined motors, my source of energy is limited. So I need to only offer my service to those who recognize my skills, and ask for it. Otherwise I will burn out and feel bitter and unappreciated. As I will have given all I've got for nothing.
This is critical information to know about one's self.
This is mental only to the degree of knowing the information, seeing it play out in your life, so you know that it is true, and then your self-talk will naturally change.
Everything else is physical, emotional, and energetic.
If you want the spiritual side, I would look to your Soul Contract and Astrology. We are all meant to do something in this life. If you let family and society box you in, this is a spiritual crisis, that will take a toll on your mental health!
So, knowing all of this...
The source of my severe anxiety = negative self-talk due to allowing family and societal judgement to derail my truth, and my open solar plexus, where I painfully feel everyone's emotions amplified and if I didn't know it was theirs I would think it was mine.
The solution = step into who I really am, and get time alone to empty out how other people feel!
The source of my major depression = my major depression was triggered by spending 4yrs in psychoanalysis where all they did was make me feel like a bad person and they literally fed off my story like it was candy (you can read more about that here), and then I took an anti-malaria vaccine, and my body dysregulated due to the chronic stress of severe anxiety, lack of support from others, and the immune challenge from the vaccine.
So, again, the source is not mental, but very physical (and whole bodied)!
The solution = again to know who I am and that we are all a work in progress on our own timelines and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with me or where I am at. Its a journey, for all of us!
CBT may work for some, but for me it continued to de-value my truth. I don't need a system that continues to ask me to devalue my truth. I need my experience to be authenticated, allowed, and only from a place of complete self-acceptance can any one grow in a healthy direction. To me, CBT is just more programming from society and others that I simply do not need!
And finally the source of my mania = Do you know why I gained the bipolar type 1 diagnosis? Partially because I recognized that antidepressant medication caused my mood to hyper-cycle (a classic sign that I have a bipolar and not a uni-polar physiology), and because due to lack of sleep, I once thought maybe I am a child of God.
We are all children of God!
But the medical community will eat that statement up and say "you're delusional, this must be psychosis, bipolar type 1. Medicate!"
The truth is, a lot of what I write has always been handed to me and channeled. I am not a good sleeper, as I am directed what to share with others in my sleep. I can go to bed confused and wake up with the answer. And I share it because I share everything I learn. I am a natural teacher.
The solution = knowing my self-care needs and to recognize when I am at risk and what to do to course-correct.
So, mental illness - Is it an illness? Is it mental? Is it only in our head? Is the solution diagnoses, labels, and a lifetime of medication?
Or, is the solution - understanding who we really are, stepping into our true selves, recognizing our gifts (as enough, stopping the comparison to others), and being aware of our unique self care needs?
For me to be who I am these are my self-care needs:
1. Be mindful of how I feel and get time alone to empty out other people's emotions, energy, and thoughts.
2. Be mindful of my need for sleep, and set serious limits on how much I will allow spirit to write through me and how much I need to push back and say: "I am in a human body, these bodies have needs an limits, I need to sleep or I will derail!", and do what it takes to make that happen.
3. Never offer my gifts to people who do not recognize, appreciate, and invite it!
If I do not adhere diligently to all of the above, I will burn out and be of no use to anyone!
Finally "resiliency". I don't like the way main stream speaks about resiliency.
They tend to think to be resilient is to not let things bother you and to force yourself (or your child) into things that make you (or them) uncomfortable until you (or they) can handle it. This is NOT resiliency. This is lack of respect for self and child! You can read more about this here.
Resiliency means knowing who you (or your kids) really are and building that up for as long as it takes (often years!), until the other stuff doesn't bother you (or your child) any more.
After spending over 3yrs deeply immersed in my work: aligned with who I am, living out my life purpose, seeing my gifts daily, and being responsible with my unique self-care needs, I am much more resilient.
I have zero anxiety, zero depression, and I do not feel bad when I am in someone's home and I can see clearly that they are much more skilled than I am in making a beautiful home to host others.
Me stepping into my power, allows me to see the gifts in others without putting myself down. I can honour their gifts, because I have honoured mine as well.
This is how we attain and maintain positive mental health!
I am here if you want to invite my guidance to see, approve, honour, and know how to shine as the amazing person and soul that you are!
Love, bless, and strong!
Alahnnaa Campbell
Family Dynamics and Life Purpose Specialist